definitely not bored; JBB vocab lesson / by joseybakerbread

when i was a kid i used to always say, "moooooooom, i'm bored, what should i do??? i'm boooooooooooored." i'd fiddle with my teenage mutant ninja turtles, go throw some sticks around in the woods, then dig a hole, or something, and whine about being bored again. cuz being bored sucks, ya know? i'm definitely not bored these days.

IMG_3015these awesome little dudes came by the bakery the other week. i tried to give them a tour and teach them a little about bread, but they knew more about bread than i did, cuz they've been baking bread at school, and even milling their own frikkin flour. so badass.

everything has been going great at the bakery, but every once in a while we get some suuuper weird people who come in and do stuff like this:


watch out for this guy, he's a wild one.

the past 2 months have been one hell of a ride. aside from opening The Mill, i also managed to sneak in a rad photo shoot with one Ms. Erin Kunkel, the talented young lady whose photographs will be featured in my cookbook. i wish i could show some of them to you, but i think that's against the law, and you know i don't like breaking the law... but here's a totally legal shot that she snapped with her cell phone during the shoot. (don't be fooled, i just posed for this photo, she's the brains behind this one)


everyday the bread gets a little better, and its got me freaking out in front of the oven every morning, saying stuff like, "I literally cannot believe that I just made this!!" so pumped, check it out:


we made sesame bread this week as our super special weekly bread. we're doing more experimenting and special breads lately, and it's very exciting, and there's only going to be more of it. so if you feel like being surprised come in and see what's new on the bread rack, then take a loaf home and eat it and tell us what you think.

wanna know a secret??? check this out:


this is a loaf of country bread before it's baked. look at all those awesome patterns on it!! crazy right?!? wanna know how we do that??? okay, so first you get out your compass and your calipers and your calculater... ummm, actually it's suuuuper complicated, i don't really have the time to explain, sorry, maybe next time.

but ya know what, i think it might be nice for me to let you in to the bakery a little bit more, to give you a more intimate sense of what the day to day is like *INSIDE* the JBB machine. ya see, we don't know what we're doing, so we have to make it up, and that includes making up our own terms for the stuff we do every day. in light of that, here is a little vocab lesson, so you can maybe understand the gibberish you hear coming out of the bakery the next time you're in.

playing with the pillows: get your mind outta the gutter you little perv, this is our fun way of saying "shaping bread loaves." ya see, when the bread is mixed just right, like it is most days, cuz my bakers are little badasses, it is blissful to shape, because it's so nice and soft and stretchy, and full of delicious gas. so instead of being boring and saying, "well, i guess it's time to shape the bread loaves now," we say, "quit your lollygaggin moss-pony, it's time to play with the pillows!" all while the grateful dead are playing in the background. too good.

chop it up: this isn't really that creative, and i think i'm the only one that says it. instead of saying, "well looky here, it appears to be time for me to scale the bread dough into loaves and pre-shape them," i say, "get outta my face man, i don't have time for that, i gotta chop it up." then chop it up i do, like a god damn teenage mutant ninja turtle, michelangelo*  to be exact.

  • *yes yes, i am well aware the michelangelo is not able to do any chopping, as his weapon of choice is the nunchucks, or Nunchaku, which do not chop so much as beat. but michelangelo is a party dude, and orange is my favorite color, and this is MY breadblog, so, as my father always said, if you don't like it, lump it. 

purple beauties: this was invented by Wendy, our resident viking baker, as a title for our whole wheat cranberry walnut bread. we were playing with the pillows (see above) one afternoon, and i was like, "yo we should name this bread something other than whole wheat cranberry walnut bread, that's so boring," to which she immediately replied, "well, we should probably call it cranberry walnut purple beauty." so we called them that from there on out, til the other week, when we stopped making that bread. RIP purple beauties.

all of your g*d d@mn seeds are on my f***in rack: this is what you hear if you knock over a tray of Cobi's breakfast bars which are on the cooling rack instead of the normal place they are, because you've filled up that normal place with trays of your toasted seeds, not totally where they're supposed to be.

we're just killing time on a rock that's floating around a ball of fire: take it easy man, it's just bread.

have a good day sweeties, i miss you, all of you.

<3 josey